Out of nowhere I was asked if Remi lives with me. Where in the world would he live? My parents, they say, since I travel so much.
I feel like it takes a lot to offend me. To make me speechless. But that question did both instantaneously. Would I abandon my son? Send him to the other side of the country? Is that what people think? The stereotypes of a mom stuck at home, cooking and cleaning apparently are alive and well!
I'm often asked if I miss Remi when I travel. The question generally irritates me because it implies that I don't. The whole "there is no such thing as a stupid question" you were taught in school is complete bull. There are many idiotic questions and I field them daily at my job. But this one takes the cake.
The idea that I need to be with my son 24/7 is odd at best. He has a father, friends, activities, grandparents and many other things that keep him away from me. When I look at my kid the words "sad, abandoned, poor thing" don't come to mind. Maybe they should and I'm missing something? Fuck that.
During summers, we all went to dacha. A Russian summer home everyone had outside of the cities. We'd hang out for hours outside and play by the beach. Our parents didn't follow us nor did they text us every three minutes to see if we were ok. We played with neighbors, siblings and random people we met. When I was 11, I taught myself how to "swim" in a local pool by myself. "Swim" is a big word, I just know how to flail my arms long enough not to drown.
We went to sleep away camps. We made friends, slept with bugs and didn't call home. We had fun.
My son is lucky enough to have four very abled and involved grandparents. And a great grandma he especially requested to see today. He is so loved there that he can't wait to go to Michigan every summer. Way before June arrives, he talks about his daily Goldfish Swim School lessons, a week at camp (this year it's chess and tennis) and trips to the park. Oh yeah, grandparents feed him ice cream every day too.
Remi's grandparents are young enough to run around after him and excited enough to plan their summer vacations so that they can have him and I can travel. This is my third summer away and I don't think he is a damaged kid. In fact, when I pick him up in August I know the first thing he'll tell me is the toys he got and how he fooled his grandparents into buying him pizza and cookies. Oh, to be a kid again.
Am I defending my actions? I guess I feel like I have to. I don't need to justify anything to anyone but the stupidity of the question was so profound it shocked me to the core.
Yes, he lives with me. He also lives with his dad. Yes, I miss him when I'm away. I'm sure his dad misses him too. And when I travel, he gets to make amazing memories with his family and I get to see the world. Win win for all, no?
And just for fun of it, Remi has been to 4 countries and 10 states. He'll be adding a 5th and 11th respectively before this year is out. He has been to Michigan 19 times. He is 6. That poor child I always leave behind...
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