My Adventures on Tinder: May 2014

You know how you find out that you are not really ready to date?  You join Tinder.

If you haven't been on, congrats!  Now let me explain how it works. It's a stack of cards with pictures of your potential match.  There is a limit of 500 characters for anything you want to say about yourself.  If you like what you see (hellooo, piece of meat!) you swipe right.  If you don't, swipe left and the next boy toy comes up.   Is it like "Hot or Not" a few years ago? I don't even know.  If you both swipe right, you are now a "match" and can message each other. 

I've now been on Tinder for a week, let me share some major no-nos:
-half-dressed gym selfies in front of the mirror!
-middle finger pics. Who thinks that's hot?
-pics with guns. Nope, no romantic wet fuzzy feeling here.
-pics of you and your 14 closest friends. I won't take the time to figure out which one you are. 
-a few tattoos here and there are fine (maybe even hot) but if I can't see your actual skin and that's all you choose to show me, you've overdone it.
-guys that don't write a single word.  You have 500 characters. It ain't much but you can tell me something! One hobby, a fun quality about you or a weird quote! Give a girl SOMEthing.
-Tindering while you are on a weekend away.  It's a GPS and you don't need guys from 100 miles away messaging you a week later. 
- ask me how I feel about blow jobs. 

I'm learning that this app walks a super fine line between seeming aggressive and still being a lady.

Remember:
-to be picky.  Every guy I "like" I have a match with. I am no size 2 beauty queen so my guess is that EVERY guy likes EVERY girl who shows up. It's impossible that every guy on Tinder thinks I'm awesome. Seriously.
-I am a girl.  I will not message you first.
-Friends with benefits, still includes the "friends" part first, right?
-to be honest.  There is nothing wrong with stating what you need.  I will make the conclusion that fits me based on the information given.
-when is Tinderworld, you need to be available to meet ASAP. No one is going to wait for you until you clear your calendar a week out.

Unless, you are this guy.  I have my first Tinder encounter set up in Mountain View eight days from now.  He is even skipping the Google Bus to have dinner with me and will take the Caltrain back to the city.  How low did my expectations get that I think it's oh-so-fabulous?  Will he actually be patient enough and not cancel in the next 8 days? Fabulous single moms and quality busy ladies aren't available at a drop of a hat.

Stay tuned.  I don't think Tindersphere is ready for me.